“The native emotions of fear and sorrow engulfed him as the uncanny thoughts of an unfamiliar life ahead passed through his subconscious mind”.
He kept his pen down after writing the sentence not knowing where to go from there. He lit his cigarette, pushed back his chair and took his legs up on to the table. He kept one leg over the other making a viewable V through which he could see the only photo frame that adorned the wall on the far end.
He and Jasmine had been on a boating trip about five years ago. She had insisted that they take a picture together; the only one as far as he remembers during their year long relationship. He slowly trimmed down the viewable area to have Jasmine’s face alone visible between his feet. He felt she looked older than him; and that might have been a fact as he was in the best of his shape with a regular gym regime and diet. The regular frolics of the vicious single predator wanting to attract and pounce on every flesh that crossed its view.
She had told they should continue with it; after a year long courtship where he has always been playing cards behind every bedroom curtain he could get onto. He was ok continuing provided he was allowed to play his cards the way he wanted, unquestioned but at the same time be served and attended to always. But the fear of the unknown, the aftereffects of a truth unveiled at some point, he was not ready to commit in any way.
It was an escape, a silent elope into the dark cold winter of the December. The next he thought about her was when he was checking for an old address and accidently looked into the side pocket of the bag he had carried during his escape. The framed picture of him and Jasmine; this was about a year ago. He still does not remember what made him nail it on to the wall, but it was nailed and there it is till this day.
His life has not changed and he is still migrating between adulterous courtships one after the other; forgetting faces, names and identities.
He gets up and lights another cigarette and moves to the window. The street looked much clearer than yesterday. Usually the wind brings with it the dust from the neighboring streets to this one and seems like today the wind is blowing in the opposite direction. He lifted his posture to take a look at the next block to see if the adjacent street carried the dirt from his pavement. His room was not high enough and the same stupid signboard blocked his view.
The phone rang and as he picked up he, put the cigarette into the half filled coffee cup that snuffed the last bit of the cancer stick.
It was Jasmine; she had said she will call
“What did you decide” She asked straight,
“Do you want to see him? Do you think this responsibility is something you can handle?”
He kept silent
“He is now three; I know you can do your math”
He did not speak
“I will be at the airport for the 6:00 PM to Boston, see if you can make it. If not I have some old stuff with Aunt Mary that was the last of the memories I was holding to last few years, you can have them too”
She did not want for him to say and continued
“I hope you will always make the right decisions and never regret any decision you take today” She kept the phone down without a final ‘bye bye’ as she usually does.
He slowly kept the receiver down and walked to the window. The stupid sign board still blocked his view. But today he was able to see what was written on it.
“Yesterdays are bound to haunt your tomorrows but today can make a difference”