25 GODlen Rules- The Dummies Guide to becoming a Godman or GodWoman

man-220974_1280Someone asked me why I was pissed off with these Godmen and Godwomen. The answer is I am not pissed off with them, I am pissed off with you for thinking that you cannot be one… 🙂 Seriously… Why are you not trying….? A Godman or a Godwoman is a lucrative and fool-proof career because it is build on making fool of others. This post is for aspiring Babas and Matas and anyone who has the ability to fool others and does not feel bad about it can attempt these 25 golden or (GODlen) rules.

This post is not meant for existing followers as they would find it offensive but if you are a follower and you want to become one then read on….

So here are the 25 rules that can help you in your journey

  1. Have some quotes of your own ready especially with the words love, God, self, others, service, universe etc… and have it translated in most languages. A sanskrit translation will always be handy even if it is not perfect verbiage. Using Sanskrit gets you well with both the educated and uneducated lot
  2. To kick start the process do something weird in a well planned set up. A naked run to show free spirit, wearing one chappal to show the balance of the universe, eating only from the right side of the plate because all the spirits live in the left or something that can get the attention of people, something weird and creative
  3. Choose a peculiar outfit, one that goes well with you and people would not try wearing to work. Something ultra traditional is best to start. Very revealing ones for men and less revealing for women preferred.
  4. Invest on some jewelry preferably very gaudy ones (gaudy looks gody) but don’t wear it, keep it as a reserve to let people know that you have been getting these from your followers, fools will give you more and more when they see they are not alone
  5. Don’t take it as being racist but if try to rope in a few white folks as your followers it works out well.. and make sure they give you a new name that is long and spiritual enough you can try different permutation combinations to come up with one. You can even give that task to them to make it more democratic
  6. Get a well educated Young guy preferably from a top institute and someone who does not have an immediate aspiration to put up his own spiritual shop.
  7. Get a well educated successful professional preferably from US who has good money and is ready to spend the rest of the life in your service. This has big marks when it comes to later campaign and credibility for international presence
  8. Get an accountant who can manage cash and other transactions and invest to multiply it properly. Invest in land and get donations and reinvest…..
  9. Get endorsed by a few actors and actresses movie and TV stars. Make a few people change their name or spelling on your ask and make them feel that it made all the difference. You get a lot of these kinds now….
  10. Get one Govt official, recently retired will also do as they still have some official standing even though they do not have a stamp. get people who have a good network. This has two benefits, one is that their endorsement has high value, secondly they can help a lot with red tapes and help you with the balance acts
  11. Never bad mouth other religions or other Godmen and Godwomen, it is a total No No… You need to respect others in the industry as that goes a long way.
  12. Politics – It is best to be away from politics till you gain some traction as once you gain traction, your political leanings are no issue for followers. Also never have a favorite party of your own. You should put out the message that you are above the petty politics of the humans
  13. Get a politician from every party to follow you as followers of the politicians should know whom their leader follows. Remember you are above the politics of the mortals
  14. Don’t smoke or Drink or eat meat. Take it as a diet for good health and it will pay off.
  15. Based on the direction of godliness you should choose your appearance. If your role is to promote success make sure you do not look too fragile, eat more ghee and stuff to glow…. If the role is to promote health and peace over prosperity act on your fat fast and get to shape… Once you pick up you can take a middle ground
  16. Always be in a place where there is a higher ground and instead of sitting there sit on the floor and let one of your initial inductees force you to sit at a higher ground. This should happen a few times and it will become the norm. When you sit leave your slippers aside visible for people to bow to.
  17. Identify familiar faces in crowd and have an intelligent assistant who can remind you. Goes a long way as you get popular slowly
  18. Be personal in your connection, practice that look of serenity on your face. When your face reflects Bhakti your followers face also reflects the same
  19. If you don’t know what to say you can do few things, smile, get into a dhyan (meditation) and then you can also try to repeat a special mantra just for you. Something illegible and people will find meaning to everything… One thing that works is doing a peculiar action that looks wierd. Making weirdness look out of normal and hence divine is the game plan
  20. Never take public transport, go in a own car or in a Bhakt’s car or if none available just walk. They will take you in a chair shortly…
  21. Never ever wear socks, make sure you clip your toenails and invest in pedicure. Once you gain more people the feet is a main crowd puller and money maker.
  22. Always try to smell of sandalwood and stuff as it gives a very good ambience for everything.
  23. Give your core group members some new names and connect that name with one of their most loving characteristics, something they take pride in like their eyes, their hair, their vision, simplicity etc… you can get many such names. May be there is even a book of Godman/Godowoman names
  24. Act childish with your close followers as they like it, they like to know that you are closer to them than others
  25. Finally, last but not least, don’t be greedy, understand that money and power are just byproducts to a great Journey of fooling poor gullible people of everything. And never feel guilty of what you do…

These 25 points are just the start and it takes a lot of effort but anyone can be a Godman or Godwoman you too…. The points you need to keep in mind is don’t do anything illegal. The challenge is most people who come there do so for some need of theirs and would expect you to personally involve. Do not do it… You should not be identified with individual follower disputes. You are above that.

It is not a good time for Godmen and Godwomen now as there are many people who are failing miserably in their attempts, either they are getting too greedy or are not well planned or give way to human feelings and getting into illegal rut. You will be under close supervision and so be careful. You need to find creative ways to pull in people. There is room for many more so keep trying

All The Best


Categories: Humor, Society

Tags: , , ,

2 replies

  1. Forgot one thing Vinod. Trying to sing some hymns even if they are off taal or Swara.go into trance once in awhile which will make it perfect.

  2. Reblogged this on Mechanising Dreams and commented:
    GOd or Godman….

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