Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger: Our story of rape and reconciliation

Watched this TED talk of Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger: Our story of rape and reconciliation. Here is the talk

And here is the comment I put on TED.

A few points and questions.

  1. While we know it is not a Women’s issue, we have to understand that IT IS ONLY the Man’s issue. Or in other words the issue of the perpetrator. There is no sharing of issue here.
  2. Reconciliation must surely have helped Thordis more than a revenge or punishment by law, but reconciliation does not mean justice. Reformation is important, but not in lieu of serving time. If that was the case then law has no role here (or only has role in the case of perpetrators unwilling to accept and feel remorse for their crime). You cannot commit crime and go for a confession in a church and be resolved of the matter.
  3. Agreed that the use the words victim or monster defeats reconciliation, but Justice is not served because the victim wants it, it is served because it is the right thing to do. You don’t free people of their crimes because they confess. And we live in a world where there is so many powers that can force silence and reconciliation. The law is same for reconciled victims and others.
  4. There are more rapists out there who would do anything to escape being punished. Rape is not always done by habitual rapists
  5. Even the thought that someone could commit rape and if the victim reconciles, write a book together and escape justice being served is scary to say the least.
  6. Thordis and Tom’s story is a very isolated incident and as she says not a formula but it is also entirely incomplete without knowing what role law has here. A rapist is guilty to not just the victim but to the society.
  7. Rape also happens in marriage because man thinks he has a right on the woman’s body and that is how confusingly perverted the thought is. You go to many places marital rapes never come out for the fear of breaking families and so on
  8. And not sure if anyone missed the point that Thordis was 16 and Tom was 18 at that time. That for me says Thordis was underaged and Tom an adult. Or are laws in Iceland different when we say underage?
  9. Finally what happens to Tom, other than his Book signing Tours and a TED talk. I am not a law expert but if rape is evident (as in this video/book) and victim does not press charges, will the rapist go free ?

 

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