Can Pain be expressed in words so it can go away? May be not, but surely it is said that words will help ease out. But some dates in life remind you that some pain will never go away. It will be with you and take you into your grave. Graves are great resting places where pain stands outside and weeps. It is true one can get used to it, be accustomed in such a way that it feels like it has been with you all the way through. Not just dates, even memories, not memories of pain but the glimpses of things that connect you with it.
I have never felt loss of words but today I feel loss of words because the pain is unbearable, and it does not feel like it will go away like that. May be a romance with your pain is what is needed a romance like the one a smoker has with his cigarette. Like you know every puff kills you a bit but you still do it. Sometimes the puff is the solace because you know it will kill. It is cowardly to die knowing that. But then what is life, it is a collection of deaths, small and big ones that are neatly stitched with pain. Pain from love, pain from deceit, pain from being a non existent image in the mirror seen through someone else’s eyes…
What does one do when one cannot hate, when one knows that hating is the easiest solace and escape and yet cannot do it. Is that called suffocation? No Suffocation is breathlessness, choking. That tightness which makes you confused whether it is a cry for help or just an unknown word trying to be born, a name may be an emotion in itself, sometimes a meaningless emotion. I guess it is all that. Does that make any sense, no it does not. It just says pain makes you insane.
Is there an escape? That is the question; to find that safenet between faking and making. faking is painful, but the journey to making can kill you. Well isn’t that one wants…. death… an end to things that everything you give value to. No, death is not what one wants; it is that opportunity to look at life and say Fuck You! because life is a bitch that dresses up and becomes invisible right in front of you.
Is this a post on negativity, no it is not… it is a post on the reality because real is negative, it is painful. for the world that which is not real is more important because everyone likes it. It is a fact that everything fake makes it the virtue list for many. But then it ends… it ends… it ends….
The truth is who the fuck has time for all this. We have to fight in this world to amass all the pain we can before we die. And if life cuts it short.. well then you did not pain enough… so you need to live on… painfully… practically pain is the only thing that is real… your only true companion and in your silent moments with it you will ask… what is important? what is it that is making you love pain every time you feel it is not there… why do you miss pain… why do you miss pain so much.
The middles finger should be held high till it hurts and then feels numb… it is the life between two middle finger that will get you a thumps up always…. so… up yours….